February 2011 - A Month of Change

February has been a month of change: the weather blizzarding then climbing to the sunny 70s,  Cooper going from a toothless smile to having two front bottom teeth, an amazing Valentine's Day dinner in instead of going out, Shannon turning 21.  Some change I like, some I don't.  Change can be terrifying or exciting or both.  I have said it before, and I will always say it - God's plans for me are way better than anything I could ever plan for myself, but sometimes it is so hard to fight that urge to control everything, to let God take the reigns. 

This past week has been a little bit of a struggle for me.  I feel like I am being called back to the workplace. I don't know for sure, though.  My urge to control, my sinful nature, keeps trying to get in the way. Everytime I think about going back to work, I get so emotional.  Is it because I am where I am supposed to be, or is it my desire to be in control?  This is the battle I have been fighting this week, a battle with my emotions, which are so fleeting.  One minute I am thinking about how I would decorate my classroom and the next I am supressing that thought, because it feels wrong.  Why does it feel wrong? 

Maybe it is because part of me thinks I shouldn't be anywhere but home with Cooper.  That's what a mom should do, right?  Well, that is my picture of what a mom should be, that's who my role model was.  My mom was a stay-at-home mom; she cooked and cleaned and ran errands.  I think sometimes it feels wrong to go back to work, because I have this picture so ingrained in my head, and I feel guilty for betraying that picture.  But God is bigger than that, he is bigger than the small box (my comfort zone) I try to put him in sometimes.  Sometimes, I think I put him there because I am afraid of change.  Change from the status quo.  Change in what I think a mom should be and should do.

Change can be an amazing part of life too, though.  I felt really emotional while I was pregnant.  I had many of these same feelings: I don't know how to do this, I am not ready, I don't know if I have what it takes.  And each time these emotions came into my head, God whispered gently into my heart and said  "I'm here" and "I will equip you with what you need".  And he has, even on days when I think I don't have what it takes, he is there holding me up and whispering into my heart again saying "I'm here."  Trust in me." "Lean on me, I will give you strength".  He is so faithful.  I don't know if I am supposed to go back to work yet, or not, but I do know that if I continue to trust in the plan God has for me, I can't go wrong.  If I do get a job, he will give me what I need to do the job and to be the best mom to Cooper I can be.  I trust in him.  I trust in his plans for me.

Jeremiah 29:11 - "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future".

Proverbs 3:3-5 - "Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."

Here are some pictures of my beautiful boy during this crazy month.  Enjoy!  :)

Eating breakfast - he loves bagels!

Snow drifts on the porch

Paisley, Bo, and Duke

PaPa and Cooper  :)

Bananas!

Smiles!

Laugh out loud!

My boys!

Steve's birthday

Laughing and squinting - what a ham!

Enjoying the warm weather

Hahahaha!